All out of love...

Another one of my beloved friend has started blogging. Kudos Mak Itam! Keep up the good work. Finally, today, I got the opportunity to drop by his blog. His latest topic is about falling and being in love, which I was inspired to pen down my own views and experiences.

The first memory that I can recall, which I thought I actually fell in love with a guy, was when I was 17. Well, at least I thought I was in love. Then, I furthered my studies and we broke off. However, I don't recall being sad or upset about the break up. I went on with college life and uni life, meeting new guys and dating. When I was in my first year of Uni, again, I thought I had fallen in love. He was a senior in Uni. I spent two years of my life with him. Sort of devoted to him. I stopped going clubbing with friends and instead, I spent my many2 evenings and weekend with him. When I was in my final year, he was already back in Malaysia (he was my senior, remember?). Somehow the long distance relationship was not working for us and we decided to call it quit. Again, the whole breaking up thing didn't hit me. Luckily enough, six months after that I found someone else. Again, I fell in love. And this time, I knew it was real. I spent 8 years of my life with him and most of friends knew about his existence (I was proud of him, thus paraded him everywhere, even without his consent!).

During this 8 year - relationship, we fight, make-up, call each other nasty names when we are fighting and come up with cute names when we are feeling romantic etc. As both of us are now working in different industries (I was an auditor, he was a merchant banker), both of us never really had "us" time. I got frustrated and he kept working. To mend the relationship, I decided to change job and be in the same industry as he is. It was a good move, career wise. But again, both of us just got very busy with work. We never really paid attention to each other and we began to live separate life. I started going to the gym and hang out more with friends so that I wouldn't feel so lonely. At that point in time, I thought that whatever love both of us had was lost. There was no more passion.

To cut a long story short, I decided to end the relationship. However, this time it was different. I was really sad and taken aback by my action. This changed me into someone that I am not. I started clubbing and drinking again. I started going out with other guys too. But it was never the same. During this period, I had what I called "3 months contract" relationships with the guys I was going out with. I was a wild child. Thank god for the good friends who pulled me back from the path I was taking and made me realise that my life was worth more than just a Hermes handbag or a 1 carat De Beers ring from Habib.

I started my long journey of getting to know myself. During this time, I met Hootie and we decided to walk down the aisle. But like I said, this time it was different. Yes, I do love Hootie but the reason I married him was more than just love.

I guess, as we grow wiser, our view towards life changes. I used to think that love is the most important thing in making it in a relationship. The reality is that, once the passion is gone, we need more than just love to make it. A person changes throughout the years hence there is no way their feelings will remain the same. I learned this the hard way. Nonetheless, I am proud to say that I've had true love (or "cinta agung" as some puts it), even though it had a sad ending.