Life sucks! (At the Mo)

I know, I know... I've not been updating my blog for about 1 week already... Sorry guys, kinda busy with work and have been out of KL for the last 3 days (yeah, lame excuse, but any excuse is better than no excuse)...

As mentioned, had to leave Hootie for 3 days due to work. But have to say, the trip was very much needed as I had time to rethink about how I feel about my life at the mo...

a) Career

Was head-hunted recently and went for the interview. The job I was offered is rather similar to what I am doing now. The only difference is that I'll be reporting to internal Board of Directors rather than client's Board of Directors. Work wise, scope will be limited due to internal reporting. The interviewers were OK, (why can't I have a boss that looks like Vin Diesel?) and the interview went OK. However, with my current job, although work sucks, my current team members are God-sent. I don't think I can find a boss that gives so much flexibility and is willing to help fight for my rights? Hence, I am torn between getting more money and loyalty. But, loyalty wins at the mo.

b) Family

My dad is currently in the midst of building a new family pad for the family. Honestly, for the amount of money he spent, the house is rather small. And for a house that is tailor-made, the design could have been better. What gets to me is that, he keeps asking me for my opinion but never actually take it into consideration. But, quoting little sister, it's his money, so he can do whatever pleases him.

c) Marriage

Things aren't going the way I imagined it to be. Maybe my expectations were too high when I considered getting married. Not sure what Hootie's expectations are like. We never really talk about it before we got married and now it's taking it's toll. Have to admit, the reason I actually got married was purely selfish and now I have to pay the price.

Hootie is rather a reserved person and each time I brought something up, he'd rather shut up than actually explaining it to me. This habit of his really bothers me. Is it so difficult to actually express yourself? I'm the type of person that has to be in the need-to-know basis. I need to know why certain things are in certain ways, or certain things are not in certain ways. I stand guided by certainties and I find it hard to function in a world where we just keep on going for the sake of keep on going.

The contrary to what people say, the first year of marriage is no honeymoon for me. A lot had happen in the last 9 months and I now stand at a crossroad of whether I made the right decision or not. Hootie's a really nice guy and I'm sure other people would die to have a husband like him (a lot of my friends call him Grade-A Husband). But so much had happened that I no longer feel the same sort of loving feeling I had 9 months back. Don't get me wrong, I might not be happy but I am content. But at the same time, can't help feeling that things could have been better if Hootie had actually listen to my pleas 9 months ago. Now, I'm not sure what to do and my heart has turn cold.

Yes people, I am capable of feeling down. Can't help feeling frustrated, I'm only human. As much as patience is a virtue, not sure how long I can hold on to it. All I can say is that there are a lot of resentment at the moment, not to mention regrets. But like a saying goes, the show must go on and I shall prevail.